my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
