i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
