Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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