are you still at the devil's house?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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