I seem to have left my pride at pride
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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