brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
