I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
