cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
