Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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