And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
