She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
