She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
