grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize