bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
MIDGETS
????
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
