what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just gift wrapped bread.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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