I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
