Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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