Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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