just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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