I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
