omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
