Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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