my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
