He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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