You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
