this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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