dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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