I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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