can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
