chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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