I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
