I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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