To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
