I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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