matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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