Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
