It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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