I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
