Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
