haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
