my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
