He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
