I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
