Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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