Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
