She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
