We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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