she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
