i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
