went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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