yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A+ Viking dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize