At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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