You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
