My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
