I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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