So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
