He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
