my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Michael Bay diarrhea
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
