Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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