Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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