you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
