somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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