i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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